I don't really have friends, not ones I see in person, my friends are at the end of a keyboard, on the other side of a computer screen. Some of them I've met in person, most of them I've not.
My family don't really bother either, I'm not one of the chosen few. I've always felt like a black sheep despite doing no wrong. Yet the ones who cause issues and aren't very nice always seem to get along?
I suffer social anxiety it's like a chain around my ankle, a noose around my neck and a belt around the chest, that weighs me down and tightens up the closer to a person I get.
People tell me that I'm lovely, caring, compassionate and kind. I try to do the best for everyone, even people I don't know. Yet I always feel the odd the one out, I still end up alone, so I hide off in the corner, playing with my phone.
Is it too much to ask for people to like me? Have I grown a second head? Maybe it is my physical appearance that flashes the warning red?
I've tried to join in social groups - for myself and J. Yet somehow I still end up ostracized no incentive for me to stay.
I sit on the outside looking in at people smiling, laughing, making friends and I ache from deep within.
I'm not asking for a side kick or best friends with an unbreakable bond.
I'm asking that just sometimes, I could feel that I belong.