Wednesday, 1 November 2017

My little jigsaw boy - part 1 Finding out we were pregnant

I remember the day we found out we were pregnant with J so very clearly.

Having had one of my tubes and ovaries removed, losing a baby and having several chemical pregnancies I'd dismissed my chances of ever being a mum. So I had the implant put in and I gave up hope.

As life went on friends announced pregnancies and had babies and the feeling of wanting a baby never left, so although we didn't feel very hopeful at being successful I had my implant removed, we started using temping and charting to track my cycle and I read up about all these different things that could help you conceive from cough medicine to avoiding certain foods. I never got a period after having the implant but I had had a temperature spike on my chart which symbolised ovulation and it recommended a day to take a pregnancy test

Sadly at the beginning of January my mother in law had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and she had gone down hill pretty fast. My sister in law came up from down South to help care for her and spend some time with her and we had Marie Curie nurses come in on an evening too. , On the 30th January, the day my app recommended I tested, I was woken at 3am by a phone call from the Marie Curie nurse to tell me Rosie had passed in her sleep. I woke Ant and we cried then began to get ready, as I went to the bathroom to get washed and dressed I remembered it was test day. I quickly did a test and a very faint line appeared, my heart broke in to a million pieces at that moment. I was so happy and yet so sad. Overjoyed and scared. I showed Ant and he cried some more and we headed to his mums house. It should have been an exciting time for us but it was tinged with sadness and not just sadness but an overwhelming sense of fear. I'd managed to get pregnant before, the hard thing was staying pregnant and I didn't know if I could take another loss.

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