The Right Tools For The Job

From the moment you see that blue line on a pregnancy test you start to plan out your childs future in your mind. Your wants and hopes for them, how you expect their first day at school to go, what attributes they will get from you and if they will have their Dad's bad habits, and you know you will love them. Sometimes life decides the journey isn't going to be a smooth one, it's going to be scenic and at times the scenic route isn't going to be very pleasant, it's going to be rough and bumpy and even a bit treacherous. You are going to feel jealous of those who go from A to B in 1 fell swoop when you seem to have hit every other check point apart from the final destination but you stay strong, because it's your childs journey and you will do what is best for them to get them to where they should be.

As many know starting school for Jacob hasn't been the easiest of times. So I thought I would do a wee quick update as I know some people care but are afraid to ask me for fear of me bursting in to tears.

The school are amazing, super supportive and the staff try their utmost when it comes to helping Jake but due to the physical layout of the school it's not the best environment for Jake as he is a climber and adventurous and he doesn't see the dangers around him so he's constantly at risk and whilst they've made as many changes to the school setting as possible, they can't pick it up and move it to somewhere all on one level away from main roads. As well as being physically unsuitable because of sensory issues that Jacob has the class - which consists of 30 children, is just too big and too busy and loud. They don't have a quiet room that Jacob can disappear off into so he has no escape from the hustle and bustle and it causes sensory overload. In the mean time the school have made him a den which is a pop up tent filled with sensory toys and lights, and he loves it, so much so we've created similar at home for him. Jake feels safe in his den and spends most of his school day, which is only 2.5 hours long in there or running around the school trying to escape. So along with feedback from other organisations who have been involved with Jacob it has been decided this school isn't for him and in the new year we will be looking for somewhere more suited to his needs so that he can be settled, and learn.

The complex needs team who have dealt with Jake from being the age of 2 at nursery have assessed him and said that in their professional opinion they believe him to have ASD and ADHD but obviously they can't give a diagnosis, but it is definitely no longer just classified as Cognitive Delay which it was when he was younger. I already knew that but due to a lack of support from nursery the Paed had always just kind of shrugged it off and said there is definitely something there we will assess when he's older.

So there you have it, our roads hit a bit of a bump and not gone quite to plan, but I've always said I wanted Jake to like school, to make friends, to learn, and to be happy and at the moment that isn't happening. On Monday me and his current school are going to make a start on applying for an EHCP plan for him, the paed has been chased up, complex needs are going to be intouch, STARS are being contacted and school is behind me every step of the way and in the new year we will start looking for a new school for him.

I was upset, not about Jake being different, I've always known he was special. Just upset that my boy wasn't getting to be happy and making friends etc. Then I spoke to my dad and he said to me:
''Dani, if Jacob was blind you wouldn't send him to a mainstream school where all the work was written on the board that he couldn't see meaning he couldn't learn and would fail. You would send him to a school that had all the right tools to deal with children with his needs and that is exactly what you are doing now. This isn't a negative, this is a positive, you are going to find the place to give your boy the best possible chance to succeed.''

So there you go. Mama's busy getting my boy a brand new tool box, full of the right tools for the job.

You gotta have faith...

In the words of Limp Bizkit - You Gotta Have Faith.  
(Or George Michael depending on your music tastes) 

I've been a little quiet the last few weeks. because J starting school didn't go quite to plan. 

I'm currently feeling like a rubbish mum and that I'm letting my son down and just want to talk to somebody who maybe understands.

My son is almost 5. He has suspected ADHD with some autistic traits. He started school on the 4th September. His first week was 8:55-11:45 and apart from struggling to follow instructions, running off, leaving the classroom etc it wasn't too bad. The second week on the Monday I dropped him off took him into the classroom and said hello to the teacher and TAs and he went off to play. I went to hang up his coat on his peg and I left for home. In the meantime he has decided he wants to go home and so whilst it was busy with so many people in the foyer and entrances has managed to slip out unseen and leave school grounds. Luckily I left when I did as I saw him and he has no road safety awareness at all. I managed to coax him towards me by saying I needed his help tying my lace and putting my umbrella up. (I am also disabled so running at him wouldn't have helped either of us) and I took him back into school. At which point I was crying and shaking. They got some staff to take him into class as he had to be peeled off me and they took me in the office to calm me down and talk and it was decided that as he gets spooked by the large groups his start time would be moved to 9:15 and he'd finish at 1 this week (should have been 1:15) and then the following week when he should be full time he would finish at 3. 

Every morning was a battle getting him in. He would drop to the floor and lash out so I would have to carry him and they'd have to peel him off me. They've started using a LEGO super hero sticker book to help get him in on a morning as he's a huge LEGO fan and I thought things were getting better.
Thursday I pick him up and they say can we have a meeting when you drop him off in the morning as he is struggling and we need to talk about what happens next. 

Friday morning I go into a meeting with the head, the teacher and the senco. They tell me the communication they received from nursery didn't prepare them for how J is and almost played down what he was like. They aren't used to someone quite so young and quite so adept at opening/unlocking/problem solving as J (the head reckons he's got a real future in engineering!) he doesn't join in with group activities, won't play with other children (although they are trying to work on this) keeps trying to run off/leave at lunch times he's struggling to sit in the canteen with everyone and wants to be off and about and is needing staff with him the whole time to ensure he is sat eating. There is other stuff they said but at the moment my heads like a tv with static sorry. So their suggestion is that for the next few weeks he won't be going full time he will be doing 9:15-11:45. They hope that getting everyone else settled in a routine may help him, and will also make it easier to focus on him. They are going to have the locks moved higher in the hope it stops him escaping (after drop off he can only get out of the building not out of the grounds as it's locked by a magnetic lock) and also get the complex needs team to come and assess him. They had lots of positives to say about him - he's very funny, bright, clever, brilliant at building and working things out etc.

I just feel a bit like I'm failing him and like I should be doing more to help him. It's hard seeing everyone else with their 'perfect children' who can read and write their name and are little angels and feel like J is going to be labelled as the naughty one and that it is in some way my parenting to blame.

So I guess in the mean time I just gotta have faith - in my boy, in the school and in myself.